Vision revisited

It’s a new year and I reviewed my vision boards for 2020. I found that I made progress on several and the book writing project hit stall with a quickness. I questioned if I should create a new vision when my old vision still seems relevant. It reminded me of student with an IEP goal whose quarterly report always reads Progressing but never Mastered (special education speak and not recommended).

Yep, I need to focus on my happiness and health. Yep, I need to continually make well thought out financial decisions. So, why do I feel envious when I see people so passionate about their life and activities. I feel I am existing and checking off boxes but that inner fire I had 20 years ago is all smoke. Deciphering between depression or isolation due to the pandemic, is something I need to figure out.

Honestly, I am trying to find my motivation. I have ideas of how to structure my day but it doesn’t last longer than one try. When the alarm goes off, I slam it off like I am a top notch volleyball player. I am not a morning person but I am trying to do exercise and positive affirmations before 8.

I want to be a stronger version of myself. I want to be the vibrant hopeful woman I was five years ago. I can’t help wondering why do I exist? Is my ultimate purpose to be a special education administrator? I read that you should live your life as you would like your tombstone to be read. How do I want people to remember me? Is it wrong that I don’t have that wording at this moment………