Weight update

It’s not pretty folks. We are going into Thanksgiving festivities and I have gained weight. I am at 242 pounds. I am still proud of myself though. I focused on my glucose levels.

I actually measured my numbers more than once a day. I carried my insulin with me and followed directions. I thought about what went into my mouth.

Yep, I thought about the snicker and Twix bites I ate. I considered the three Oreos I had with milk. The good thing is I went BACK to healthy eating afterwards.

My battle is with every bite I put in my mouth. So I congratulate myself on the tilapia, rice, and salad I just ate for lunch. One healthy meal down……..

Wednesday’s Musings

It’s my lunch break and I am trying to stay motivated. This past weekend I shopped the perimeter of the grocery store determined to cook all my meals for the next seven days.

It’s the third day, and I have done well. I had collard greens, and roasted chicken. But, to be honest, I grabbed two snack snicker bars AND a snack sized peanut M&Ms. It’s enough to keep me from walking to a diner and doing more damage.

I am such a work in progress. To keep myself on track, I read stories on people who have lost 100 pounds to get some tips. When I go home I am making pulled barbecue and coleslaw. No eating out tonight…….

I’m Back After Not Giving a F*&K

I realize that consistency is important and I hate being accountable. I have not been to the gym, I have eaten what I wanted. Now, the positive side of things is that I still tried to choose a healthier option. If I had a hamburger, I did order vegetables as a side. I know I used this strategy at least twice.

Why am I back? I guess I needed the writing release. I have so many things in place to help me be successful. What is missing? My motivation. Yep, I am thick and fluffy but I still felt like I could still be beautiful and I am in love. My baby likes my curves. Well, that may not be actually true but he may be too scared to say otherwise.

What changed? A simple call asking a question. Will you be my Maid of Honor? Suddenly my size was front and center. I love her and I will give her whatever she asks. My inner voice was saying …..what is the dress going to look like? Am I going to stand out if everyone in the wedding party is super skinny? Maybe the dress will be black…..no such luck.

I have a year to pull it together.

Last Weight recorded: 241.7

Weight this week: 239.9

Total Weight loss: 3.6

Pounds to lose 48.4

Disappointed in Myself

Being so public about my journey is highlighting my lack of control regarding food. I should be on track to lose up to two pounds a week. I have been conscious of my eating for three weeks and I haven’t sustained a two pound loss.

I remember in my twenties being single and wanting a relationship. I wanted to distract myself by shopping. I entered the mall and all I saw were couples and families. I was so bummed I didn’t even shop. I just turned around walked out got in my car and went home. I feel that way about my weight. I see so many healthy women who don’t seem to have a care in the world about their weight, and I gain weight looking at food. Right now, I am thinking why am I trying so hard.

It seems I am stuck in a pattern of losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for many weeks. When I lose weight I celebrate like I have hit my target weight and the next week is a gain. This cycle sucks.

Week Three: Did I lose Weight on Vacation?

A real woman doesn’t complain of yesterday, look into your failures and try to do better. -Anonymous

Hmmm, were you perceptive to pick up the answer from the quote I selected? Yep, I definitely will not register a loss this week. It was spring break and I flew to Fort Lauderdale to visit one my best friends. I started eating before I got on the plane. I can rationalize this…..I had a two hour wait before my flight and a very short layover in Tampa. Don’t judge. It was actually a good thing that I chose to eat beforehand because turbulence during the flight kept the flight staff in their seats the entire flight.

Honestly, it was hard to stay on my eating routine. My friend was so gracious asking me what I needed. I asked for fruit and oatmeal. We stayed in a very nice condo in Fort Lauderdale by the Sea and the kitchen was amazing. So amazing that the oven was too high tech for us to figure out. Our inside joke was how many degrees does it take to turn on an oven.

Coping strategies I used to manage my eating was allowing myself a treat such as animal crackers and popcorn chips. I also tried to eat a little every few hours to keep from getting really hungry. At least half the time I got out and walked to the beach. When eating restaurant meals, I tried to order things that were diet friendly. Small spoonfuls of food I would usually indulge in like macaroni and cheese, baked beans, and grilled meat.

Weaknesses included carbohydrates such as croissants, ice-cream, chocolate candy, and cornbread muffins. Although I bought a smaller bag of animal crackers, I did not have to eat the entire bag, and I ate the bag of popcorn chips.

Weight Last Week 240.9

Weight This Week 241.7 (weight gain of +.08)

Total Weight Loss 1.8

Weight Loss Goal 61 pounds

Week Two: Changing Palate

You have to make the decision to lose weight in your head, not your stomach. -Jean Nidetche

This week was very stressful and there were times I made crappy choices but this time I made small modifications. First, I was aware of my daily caloric intake. Secondly, I made sure I had 64 ounces of liquid a day. I researched how to make healthier choices at one of my favorite restaurants. Opportunity for growth includes working out at least three times a week and controlling my eating after 4.

I decided to change my goal weight to one I would still feel confident and would not cause me to starve myself. I still have quite a journey.

Weight last week 241.2

Weight this week 240.9

Weight lost .03

Total weight lost 2.6

Weight Loss Goal 61 pounds

The Willpower of a Knat

So, I will start by saying I want a chicken roll from Johnny’s Pizzaria. I have wanted my roll since Monday. Tuesday I pulled into the parking lot. I was steps away from my fresh pizza dough, chicken cutlet, cheese and marina sauce. Before I got out the car, I counted backwards from five to see if this choice was worth it. I decided to go home (It was raining anyway).

You would think once I was home I would reach for my healthy options. NOPE…didn’t happen. I had a ginormous blueberry muffin. However, I drank water with it!

Fast forward to the next day. I had a rough day. So many meetings that I didn’t get to eat anything but the half of cup of oatmeal in the morning. I was stressed and my body was giving me hints to relax. For me, that feels like nerve pain that switches to an intense itch from under the skin.

I practiced relaxed breathing and calming music, but after work I drove straight to Johnnie’s spot and ordered my chicken roll. After that I was headed to Duncan Donuts for a chocolate donut but got sidetracked by the ice cream parlor next door. A two scoop sundae later I headed home.

Feeling like I could have made a better choice I headed to the gym at 10 pm. My goal tomorrow is to make better choices from 4pm till bedtime.